Mrs. James: “Good sitting Suzie. I really like the way you’re sitting so quietly. Bobby, look at how quietly Suzie is sitting. Isn’t she doing a good job?”
Bobby (in his head): “What the H.E. double hockey sticks is Mrs. James talking about? Why does she want me to look at Suzie sitting? I can see that Suzie is sitting, but I have no idea why this is so noteworthy. In fact, I’m sitting too. Maybe a little more restlessly because this lesson is pretty boring, but I’m sitting aren’t I? Why is Mrs. James so intent on getting me to notice Suzie’s sitting? And why is she referring to her sitting as good? Can there be ‘bad sitting’? Am I a bad sitter? Is that perhaps what she is trying to say? Why doesn’t she just tell me I’m bad at sitting if that’s the case? Also I wish someone would explain to me why she keeps referring to everything as a job. I’ve never heard of the job of sitter, unless she means a babysitter, but Suzie’s not old enough to babysit is she? Is there another job that involves just bending your knees and lowering yourself onto a chair and staying put? If so, that sounds easy enough. Perhaps I can do that job since I don’t seem to be good at this school thing. But wait, I just remembered that what I think Mrs. James was trying to imply is that I’m no good at sitting either. At least not as good as Suzie is. Maybe she thinks if I watch Suzie more closely I’ll pick up on what good sitting looks like. Maybe she is trying to help me learn to get better at sitting so that I can one day get a job sitting. That’s what this whole school thing is supposed to be about right? She probably thinks that sitting is the only kind of job I’ll ever be able to get and therefore that I should really pay attention and master this sitting thing once and for all. But watching Suzie sit quietly is almost as boring as this lesson. Oh man, if I can’t even focus on Suzie’s good sitting techniques how am I ever going to get this sitting gig when I grow up?”
Suzie (in her head): “Why the f**k is Mrs. James always telling the boys to look at me? Why does she want them to watch me sit? Every time she does this some snot-nosed boy starts staring at me. Bobby’s been staring at me now for like 10 minutes. Why does she keep doing this to me? It seems like she likes the way I’m sitting. She calls it good and refers to it as a job, but why can’t she just keep it to herself? I don’t want everyone to think that I’m an expert or anything. It’s too much pressure being the best sitter in this class. What if I fall out of my chair? What if my leg gets caught in my desk when I get up to go to the bathroom or something? Does this sitting job also mean being able to get up and down from the chair without incident? I don’t want all the others kids to think, I think I’m better at sitting than they are. God, I wish she’d just pick on someone else.
If you haven’t read Alphie Kohn’s article, ‘5 Reasons to Stop Saying Good Job’, please do.
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